In the TV Drama series namely “Spector Bem” ,

In the TV Drama series namely “Spector Bem” , Bem cries out “I want to become a human, and live my life as a human being” being ashamed as what he really is.  In my case, I want to become “a woman” instead.  However in general, men in the world might misunderstand this to be a sensual description, I do not at all actually mean so. What I wish to be at present, and what I constantly would like to make myself to be in the future is ” A Woman Being”

” A Woman Being” that remains enigmatic, that’s what I am most interested about, that is much more interesting to me than what men would appear to be in the world. Such a taste of mine and interest of myself give much influence to my personal life. I perform to be a woman I do not know with her drama that might have nothing to do with me when I sing a song, and at the time I can feel her in me even when I just slip my arms into the costume.

Every day, I can become a different woman, and each day my stride makes different length, and each time I am in the train I create myself variant. From sometime in the past I do not remember, I might have began to play someone else in my natural manner under some situations and with distinct circumstances. That is to me, so inartificial that I do not even recognize which one of these characters is my true self. Narcissus, who is only allowed to encounter himself ever in the mirror of the water , probably has met him finally in the bottom of the pond, where he vanished into. In the meantime, I am committed to become a positive ” woman being” who can state “Oui” to my own way of life, that is my destine to the Year of 2012.

TVで騒がれている、「早く人間になりたい。」ではなく、「早く女になりたい♡」のだ。これだけの言葉から連想すると、世の男性諸君の鼻の下の伸び率を心配するのだが、そうではない。私が成りたかったもの、今後も目指すもの、それは女性。きっと私は、女という得体の知れない生き物に男以上に興味がある。その趣味は私生活まで影響を及ぼし、歌を歌う最中も１人の女性像を演じ、コートに袖を通す瞬間にも女を感じる。その日の女性像によっては、歩くときの歩幅も少しづつ変えてみたり、電車の中での振舞いも違うのだから。

ある時から私は、自分の置かれた場面や状況によってある種の女性をごく自然に演じ分けているのかもしれない。それは、あまりに自然過ぎるので、自分の中で は本当の自分の姿が分からない程に。実際のところ、一生出逢う事を許されない、鏡越しでしか出会えない相手。ナルキッソスはもしかしたら池の奥底で真の自 分に対面したのだろうか？なんてね。自分の生き方に正直に”Oui.”と言える。そんな素直でポジティブな女性。それが来年の私のテーマです♡

♡

Rika

Kyoto is my second home for me.

Kyoto is my second home for me. I had spent the time  for seven years there. More than that, I had fallen in love as  a young unmarried girl. I had fallen in love for filling my heart and searching for someone. I love looking at the calm Kamogawa River in the early morning on the bridge and the Higashiyama mountain in the afternoon. At night Gion was getting glossy, and Kiyamachi was dimly lit by a lamp. The students made a pass at girls without sparing time for sleep and drinking some bear until  day breaks.

京都。それは、私の第二の故郷。高校〜大学と７年間過ごした学びの場。それ以上に年頃の私は沢山の恋をしていたようだ。心の隙間を埋める様に、誰かを求め 誰かに恋をしていた。早朝の鴨川の穏やかな水面や、昼間の東山の抜けた様な雄大さ。夜の祇園は艶やかで、はんな り木屋町には外灯がぼんやり夜の闇に彩りを添える。学生達は寝る間を惜しみ、女子を口説き始めたり朝まで酒を飲み交わした。

改めて此処に立ち止まって鴨川を眺めると、そんな四季折々の古都の表情が脳裏に浮かぶ。あの時の私は京の都の独立した美しさに気付ける筈もなく、恋愛に忙しかったのかもしれない。恋は人を盲目にしてしまう。残ったものは切なさ。この気持ちを人は哀愁と言うのか。

♡

Rika